No-Purpose

Suddenly life feels hopeless.

2006-07-18T07:10:47Z

Looking in retrospect I should be very happy. I suppose i should be celebrating alot because i've reached almost all the goals i had two years ago. That painful period in life; two years ago. Nobody to talk to even when I had plenty of things to say. And then wanting to open up but nobody felt like the right person to speak to.

I will be getting a laptop tomorrow morning. I have alot of close female friends. Most of my friends they love me. I'm earning more than enough. I feel more matured. I am selfish when i need to. Maybe I have what i wanted, but somehow i feel empty.
I don't feel happy. I have them but i don't have a need for them anymore.
My goals might have changed, and things are just things now. Nothing matters much now.

Things were alot better when I learnt to see the worst side of things, and everytime i see it the outcome isn't that bad to me. I am relieved then, because nothing can hurt me anymore. It is just that nothing good, is really that good anymore. I learnt to do without things. I don't need anything anymore. I have denied reliance from my life. And I'm not happy anymore.

I am thinking about two friends here. He is having depression and I think i'm getting influenced too. I don't know how to help him, more so if i should help him from rotting.
She has an ex, I like her. I've been able to make people forget their ex's and remember me; but not her. She doesn't want to make me her lifeboat, a replacement for her ex-boyfriend because I am too much like him. She says she has feelings for me but she has to deny them to be fair. She wants to patch with the cheating guy, and I might lose her.

I've changed alot. The person I used to be is gone. I look better now, i have more confidence but somehow I can see that i'm losing hope and slipping back into the depressive person i once was.
I can't help things now.
I don't have confidence anymore. I don't have hope. I should be happy but i am not. I'm missing the point.

Sarah I miss you too.

You don't expect me to read..

2006-03-11T13:22:19Z

I still read what you write.. Sometimes. I wish you'd write more often.
I want to know how you are.--

I thought i'd gotten over her.. She came again.. I still like her. Like; because I cannot love somebody i don't know well. Everytime I think of seeing her.. She'd be there. With her friends or alone.. She will always be.

Once she asked me a question; I didn't satisfy her with my answer.
She stopped coming and I got on with my life.

I thought i'd gotten over her.. She came again.. I still like her. Like; because I cannot love somebody i don't know well. Everytime I think of seeing her.. She'd be there. With her friends or alone.. She will always be.

Oh, I saw her today. If you believe in this thing.. This horoscope..
Well I don't, I haven't seen her in months; Today my horoscope says 'Look out for love'.

Things are still the same.

2006-03-11T13:13:27Z

People change.
-Cliques don't.
--People change; to fit the roles their cliques lack.
---Everyone plays some kind of role.. It's always the same.
----I've been observing how my friends are so like you.. Although you look different.
-----Memories can't change. Great moments still in me.. I miss you. I don't want the same.
------I want it but i don't wish for the past. I don't want it back.
-------I want to create a new moment with you. Yes, there are people like you.. They haven't given me that special moment. Waiting.
--------What am I in this new place?.. I have changed.. I feel the same.. Tell me what I've become.

Also. ---

no_purpose @ 2006-02-08T05:41:00

2006-02-07T21:42:01Z

hm. posted a long entry about how i'm feeling and i think lj f***** up on me. been so long and still ain't posted. it's 5:40am and i'm working at 8. my bike's wheel got jacked i gotta walk to work and i'm still awake. sober. thinking.
and what i really wrote didn't matter.. all that's left is "update about everything..
fell off my bike when the handlebars and stem broke.
managed to get it bolted in place but brake cables are screwed badly.
went brakeless. speeding past traffic made me braver. try to stop and be dead.
some minor accidents. am okay. waiting for chief manager to get back from holiday.. wants to less work so i'll have time to look for jobs.

more colleagues express their fondness for me. don't like them. beginning to believe i'm a flirt.
forgeting my life, my goals, who i wanted to be. believing i'm stupid.. can't remember much of anything technical.. computers aren't my stuff already.
chinese new year was better. i've become more outgoing already. bad thing was i took all the money i had and spent it on a phone.. and i knew even before buying that it wasn't a good deal.. i still bought it at +60 the retail price. and didn't care. noticed how different i am.. thinking of the past.. how things could have gone.. but i don't want to go back. i want to create something new with the past i had. i miss somebody alot.

everything about work is stupid. i hate everything about it. stuck in a relationship i don't want to have. it's my fault i didn't give the right signals"..

I love you

2006-02-07T21:09:13Z

I love you and i miss you.
I loved you but i never told you. I love you and i know it's not possible you already liked someone. No you didn't but you loved someone. Things aren't the same.. I wish it was but i don't want to go back to the way things were.. Will things ever change?

I still love you

Everyone speaks Japanese.

2005-10-24T00:29:53Z

And now for the boring part. My bike.
Now.

One month from now I'm gonna paint it. Somehow. Base colour will be black. In coats. No idea what else.
The scrambler-ique fenders I might paint as well. Hate the shiny chrome except for checking out my hair and *. Note the steps at the rear. Note also the skateboard.

I also broke a shiny black ring. I kinda liked it.

The guy who thought I was gay also made me his god brother.

2005-10-12T01:10:07Z

He wants me to write more than interesting one-liners about him.
And so I will. I met this guy while touring the area looking for a certain monkey plushie. First saw this dude some two weeks back while looking for food. Was with two friends too. Why I was with them, that's another story, but yeah, it's like cool. This guy is funny.
So anyway I was back there and I asked him if he had that toy. Spoke in English cos I thought he was MALAY.
Then he spoke in chinese(the bastard went along with English for more than a couple of lines before switching though!).. ;__;
Wasted efforts on both the toy and all that conversing in English. :P
I got myself two Coke(with World of WarCraft characters on it), but honestly thought I didn't want two. So I gave him one. And then the freak'n customers came in. Thought this guy might make for a nice friend to have, waited for him outside.

On Monday we met again, watched 'Corpse Bride' together. This guy and I share many things in common, beyond English music, we share a hate for freak'n children. The cinema was PACKED with them. We thought we were in hell. Then the movie started, and that was when hell truely began.

I forget to mention his toe was bleeding.. Blood on his OP flip-flops, he must have been hurting.

He betted on my ID number. Lottery wise.
Also, the freako wrote my full name on his blog.
The freako that is my god brother, Arthur li zhiwei. ^-^6

Indepth into my adventure.

2005-10-12T00:29:17Z

I feel you're missing out if you're only able to know that little about my adventures.
So yeah, I'd been riding around the northern region. There are many 7-Elevens. And Macs. Like extended family of sorts. I was at the McDonald's at Admiralty some weeks back and my friend was asking for my help.. She wants to move elsewhere, away from this landlord she also calls her colleague.
I recommended her to my grandma, cos for 130 a month(which includes your share of the bills), you get to eat and live there. Which is, a nice chop to my fat grandma because of the price, but that's just how she is. And she has meat to share.

So yes, about the landlord, she's probably got some mental illness. I mean ALL her colleagues hate her. They laugh at her and make snide remarks, even with her AROUND.
And she acts as if nothing's been said. What the hell.
Sort of like the way some of my colleagues treat me, but at least I can defend myself.
Oh and those that use my help constantly without returning the favor.
The guy I met at 7-11 at North Plaza tells me to do something for myself. He also thought I was gay.

Woo. Been Months.

2005-10-12T00:05:02Z

But nothing except work. And more work.
And lots of cycling. To a seaside park at Sembawang. Many many times. Not alone but with two friends.
Me ferrying them. On my bike. -_-:

How can one juggle two on a bike?.. Well, try putting the girl on the rear steps and the bastard holding on to her hand and drifting along.. It might be fine on a straight levelled road, problem was the road to this place is a long, torturous winding uphill.. The experience made me think I was riding my way to hell.

Oh and my phone. I punched it. While punching some other thing.
The force made the shell fly, along with the antenna chip. I also gave it a tea bath, an ice dip and a couple of scratches here and there.
And the value has gone up as well. I bought it at a contractual price of $88. Now it's a hundred something for the same contractual period. Nice. Thinking of selling it for another, one with external MMC and bluetooth, but warranty wise, it's not worth it. Especially when you're planning to save up a grand to bust out on the Xbox 360. In November.

My phone is happier now with the servicing people at Nokia; All the sexual violation and what not to it cannot be compared to the sheer torment when it's with me. I shall silently laugh in my heart when it is returned to me in a couple of days.

Forever if you will, because someone called to say due to extensive damage done to the phone, I will not be able to get a working phone by Wednesday. They will call again. I gave them McDonald's number.

It's the 7th month again.

2005-08-18T06:48:47Z

In chinese folklore this is the month tormented souls of the dead are released from hell and are free to roam the earth. Relish in the offerings prepared by their desendants. Candles, whole boiled chickens, cakes and other tidbits are just part of the huge menu offered.

It is also a time you breathe air that is LADEN with ashes from burnt houses, cars and women.
I mean those of the paper kind. The belief is that whatever is burnt will become real in the land of the dead. And offsprings who wants to show their filial priety do this to give them a good life down there.
There are 18 levels of hell. What you did while you had a life will decide what you get to experience. It includes cutting off your tongue if you lied, dropped in hot oil and chained in a fiery enclosure. And of course thrown in a mountain of knifes and swords. Fear tactics I must say, but it is part of the fundamental building block of character for many chinese(not including me).

Anyway the point of this entry is actually about me being down on my luck ever since the gates supposedly opened. This is shit, but I almost lost my bike to thieves(trying to be optimistic here), lost my keys with the keys to my grandma's and an unduplicable key and of course my house keys. And now I realise i lost my phone's headset WITH the KEYS. Replacing all these is going to cost me major. That is all I know, but I still have my life with me.

Which I might lose the next minute.
The taste of candles.

I smell blood. Nobody else can.

2005-08-17T04:37:49Z

It's the cold. In the freezer.
I was in one for a long time last week and it seems to have froze my nostrils.
And hurt it.

I want you to see this. The heart of a fish I ate yesterday night.
Did you know one of the most pictures drawn out of boredom is the symbol of the heart?
And so I was eating the leftovers(I still do that) and i was certainly bored then. This appeared. The power of being in love amazes me.

In my first post since last October, I use the entry to highlight my contribution to smokers' health

2005-08-16T04:34:52Z

I kill people by emptying their ashtrays.
So the point is I now work at McDonald's.
And 3 girls have a crush on me. And I am considered back.

How's my babies?

no_purpose @ 2004-10-08T03:27:00

2004-10-07T19:27:35Z

Baked Apple. :D

Back Thursday.

2004-10-03T21:03:56Z

Computer problems. Browser problems. Schedule problems.
Sister will be on the computer 'til Thursday, after which I will be trying to remedy it. :/

no_purpose @ 2004-09-27T01:48:00

2004-09-26T17:48:16Z

OMG HAT FETISH!! :O

no_purpose @ 2004-09-15T17:25:00

2004-09-15T09:29:07Z

Introducing 'HeliumBoobs'.. Lalala.. ~_~

Features:
1) Perky boobs!
2) Instant enlarging with refill port!
3) Doubles as life vest!

Wuha. Wuha. Wuha.

no_purpose @ 2004-09-11T23:38:00

2004-09-11T15:38:27Z

Woah. Been many many days since I last came online. x_x
Sep 1st - Bought bike, rode around.
Sep 3rd - Nobody came for the WLNY bike outing(I think too rushed).
Sep 4th - Army Open House 2004. Played the obstacle course for four hours. Completed it, except with two of them(18+ item and the cargo net). Had pretty serious rope burns doing the first course(low rope) 'cos my loose shorts came off halfway so I just slid down the rope. -_-
The plasters the Medics gave me didn't stick well, ended up going back to the medics lots of times.

Sep 4th, 5th, 6th - Camo-face. I toured around malls, kopitiams and other crowded places. Very, very funny. I've got to try that again. =D

Sep 6th - Knee hurts. Found an insect bite near my ankle while undressing the right foot(sock).
Sep 7th - Fever. Throat hurts.
Sep 8th - Clinic. Doc prescribed me panadol and lozenges and some weird antiseptic ointment.

Sep 9th, 10th, 11th - Better, but still sick. Electric got disconnected again(10th). Paid on the 10th and it's back(11th).
Crystal Xbox from ISP promotion. Meaning I've got a 2 year contract with them.

Sep 11th - Still, throat hurts. Hamster died yesterday(10th). I think my viral infection(a guess) killed it. And that explains my disappearence.

Will post when better. =D

2004-09-07T07:20:44Z

Woo. I haven't been on the Internet for almost a week now.
Sep 1st - Bought the bike, rode around until Sep 3rd. There were supposed to be an outing, but the people couldn't make it(blame the organiser again).

Sep 4th to 6th - Army Open House at SAFTI MI.
Lots of stuff, I'll talk about it later. I think adedes bit me on the 5th, as I begun to show signs of dengue the next morning(SAFTI has forested areas). Aching joints and muscles, fever and stuff. I discovered a bite mark *under* a plaster i have on. :/

Don't know how it got there, but it oozes a clear, odourless and colourless fluid(which turns sticky if you rub it until the liquid dries). Weird.

I punched my thigns earlier but there aren't any bruises yet. There are some bruises, other than that it's all well. I checked some sites with Open House pictures.. I couldn't find any with me inside though(although I took one). End of post. :3

Here's a trick question.

2004-08-31T04:05:00Z

3 guys went to a hostel looking for a room to stay for the night.

The receptionist said each room was 30 bucks.

So each paid 10 bucks to total up into 30 bucks.

However, hotel manager said special offer today and only 25 bucks per room.

Hence, he told the receptionist to return back 5 bucks to them.

The receptionist kept 2 bucks for himself and gave them back 3 bucks.

So each guy took back 10 - 1 = 9 bucks meaning each only paid 9 bucks for the room.

9 X 3 + receptionist's 2 = 29 bucks but what about the remaining 1 buck?

Guess where had it gone to? :3

Here is a Mynah Bird story:

2004-08-29T08:27:46Z

"At 02:47 PM 10/28/99 -0400, GEIGERW462@1STPCT.ci.detroit.mi.us (WILLIAM GEIGER) wrote:

About 20 years ago, my father and I took our dog to the veterinarian for medical help. In the waiting room were other pets and their owners. Also, attached to a coffee table, was a cage containing the vet's myna bird.

The myna bird meowed like a cat. The cats seemed uninterested. However, the dogs found this disturbing. Some of them barked at the bird.

The bird barked back, which really distressed the dogs, making them bark ever louder. The bird responded, "SHUT UP!" The poor dogs did not know what to make of this.

You already know that the bird learned these sounds from the cats, dogs and owners that came in nearly every day."

At five bucks a bird, I've been wanting one for awhile. Nice little bird.

Some user by the name of EatWhat said

2004-08-28T12:48:24Z

"All the pain and suffering is your physical not your mind! If you think it hurt then failure you will face...Or else how you wanna be qualify for US Ranger or Navy SEALs! Eh...before going for BMT or i dunno what you call it nowaday....have your physical train up first....kekekeke (that's the secret of training) My recipt for training.. morning..10km jogging afternoon...8km jogging evening...20km jogging in between cycling 80km to swimming pool for 100lap swim"

"yup....i did before and during my service, i ran and swam a lot and more then any average man!!! Objective to join the NAVY SEALs & qualify for US Ranger...but fail in my eye test...kekekekeke! therefore, to whom wanna be one of the specialist...'TAKE CARE YOUR EYE!!!!'"

Pardon the grammar. The end result he got is.
"wowowow! so many question come in oredi...kakakaka! yeah...i continue this activites since 16 until 23 when my keen started hurts...until oneday...i can't even walk just have to sit an the middle of the road (in camp) and a few buddy carried me! aiyo so embarrass..kakakakak! just imagine..."big strong guy was kena carried away"...kakakakakak!!!! later down the year...i was diagnose...my ligament partially torn and in due of "no enough of curing time" and my cartilage was gone!!!!! what happen during that time was my joint/ bone crack because of constant fiction and impact on the knee!!!! Just imagine...my lower leg actually bend upward from knee!!! normally is bend downward.. when for opeartion...and now...just walk lor..."

Busted knee trying for SEALs. ..But the shiny medals and 'honour'..Oh oh oh. Think I'm going two notches below this guy so my knees won't bust. :3

He's just stupid.

A Pulau-Ujong entry I thought i should post here..

2004-08-28T05:27:08Z

"Just a reminder/information for those who are interested in going to the open house at SAFTI MI next week. ^_^

It will be opened on the 4th, 5th, and 6th of September(Monday). The 6th is the start of the school holidays if I'm not wrong, so everyone should be able to make it.
There will be free ferry services from 9.45am onwards from Jurong East Interchange. Most shows runs from 10am to 8.30pm, with exception on Monday since it ends at 6pm. For the rest of the programmes timing, please check the site. :D

You should bring a camera if you have one, because you can try on stuff at the event. I'm going to try the face painting.
And there will be a stationary '3rd Gen' combat man, whose butt I hope to pinch(it is alike those stationary guards from England). I really wonder how he'd react, but i think i will do it when there are loads of people crowding around him. The risk of temporarily called gay by the witnesses is worth it for the laughs it is going to bring me.

Meanwhile, I should go check if there's a outing thread in La-Kopi, and if there aren't any, i will make one. I should buy a handphone with camera sometime.

Buying a bike in 3-4 days, then getting a job(look out for a bald letterboy, WLNY'ers!), and training with the bike(will be carrying it up 9 storeys home). Woo.

I woke up with the feeling i have a date today, but i can't remember anything. And no, I'm not bald yet."

Just came across this post in a forum

2004-08-27T21:26:11Z

"Meet the Peeping Tom worm
By John Leyden
Published Monday 23rd August 2004 14:56 GMT
A worm capable of using webcams to spy on users is circulating across the Net.

Rbot-GR, the latest variant in the prolific worm series, spreads via network shares, exploiting a number of Microsoft security vulnerabilities to drop a backdoor Trojan horse program on vulnerable machines as it spreads. Once a backdoor program is installed on a victim's PC it's always game over - an attacker can do whatever takes their fancy. But Rbot-GR comes pre-loaded with functionality specifically designed to control webcam and microphones. Other variants of the worm do not come with this "Peeping Tom" routine, according to AV firm Sophos.

"If your computer is infected and you have a webcam plugged in, then everything you do in front of the computer can be seen, and everything you say can be recorded," said Graham Cluley, senior technology consultant for Sophos. "It would be like having a regular Web cam conversation except you wouldn't know you're taking part in it."

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/08/23/peeping_tom_worm/

Aside from its voyeuristic behaviour, the Trojan component of the worm attempts to steal registration information for games and PayPal passwords from infected machines. It's a thoroughly nasty piece of code; so it comes as some relief that Rbot-GR isn't particularly widespread. Sophos has received only a handful of reports about the worm. Most vendors rate it as a medium-risk threat. As usual, Rbot-GR is a Windows-only menace."

Pretty cool, hearing the features it seems as though the person's a script kiddie trying to have free porn and a good game to play. Or he(or they) could be working for the secret service.

no_purpose @ 2004-08-26T10:58:00

2004-08-26T03:13:31Z

W00t, my eyesight has gotten back to normal with sleep.
Also, there is this site, a site that lists users living near you. Found some chio(pretty/cute x-x) people, and some people suitable to be activity partners. I can safely bet i will get killed in a road accident before age 25 because of my recklessness. x3

When I was younger, sometimes when returning from school i'd meet this fat dude(he's not the grosteque kind of fat though) and he would start a conversation out of the blue. He lives a storey below me, somewhere. I found him on that site. :O

Also, there is this girl, pretty humourous I must say, but she's 16. And I'm not one who does kutcher/moore. But I think she will make a good 'sister'.. Exciting stuff.
There is this babyash(dude, I ALWAYS typo that as 'ass' for some odd reason) user. She looks 12 or younger, but she is really 20. And in the same school as my elder sister. And she rides a bike. And is probably a member of the punk-ass biking gang that always appears late in the night. But she doesn't look punk. So that was probably not her.

Going to wait around the corridor and see which unit she lives in. Tell me I suck. x3

no_purpose @ 2004-08-23T13:45:00

2004-08-23T05:48:18Z

Forums list update to over 14. Also, MakeOutClub.com .